Git some fetchin’ up!

I said “I schedule those two times per year in my studio, usually during April and October.” What part of that sounded like an offer to meet you halfway between my studio and yours in December?

“Yes, I live in Ohio,” does not mean – “Although we’re 4 hours apart, sure I will find one of those dang pea pod thingies at a store an hour away from me, pay for it and drive it an additional 3 hours to meet you with it.”

“For the love of all that is holy, READ the website! Somebody paid the big bucks to have that website designed for ease of user navigation and access to information. We idiot-proofed that sucker and then you and 27 of your peers crushed that theory.”

OK – rant over. This is about fixing things – so I’m going to give ya’ll a crash course in online manners and why I think they’ve gone to hell in a handbasket. Or to hand in a hellbasket. Or something.

I think sometimes that we need to step back and evaluate the importance that social media and online altar-egos skew our view of what consists of good manners. Yes, we are all part of the photography brotherhood  – we have that chunk of us that is SO in tune with other people with the same chunk. That’s why some of you are readers here – because we think the same (but I’m the one with the guts to say it. Eh?)

However, this commonality with our “online” social world does not necessarily translate to “real life” relationships. Just because you like who I am online, does not mean that you will like me in person. I hope you do, but let’s be realistic about it; you are only seeing one side of me. The side I WANT you to see. Okay – now shake that off – that sounded a little “creeperish,” but I’m guessing you get my drift.

I think that this camaraderie or strong feelings of affiliation with WWW folks leads us to dispose of some common sense when dealing with WWWers. We have, in our minds, established some kind of history and relationship with this person that may not realistically be there. And we will presume a level of friendship and ask a degree of favors that we would not dream of asking someone else.

Lately, I’ve been on the receiving end of requests for help that do not fall under any common-sense definition that I can come up with. And I can only guess that what society now accepts as reasonable behavior from a complete stranger has changed. Or something like that. Maybe it’s the younger generation, maybe it’s the newbies. I don’t know – but I’d like to see us step back a bit and learn how to make friends all over again. Apparently the instant online access has turned us into a society that will accept instant friends. I have over 900 people on my friends list on Facebook. Want me to count how many I actually know? And how many of those I’d actually call a friend in real life? Nah, let’s not waste the time. Suffice it to say, not 900.

I challenge you to go out there and make the effort to meet a local photographer. In person.

That was the original “networking.” Before computers. Nevermind.

There’s a local photographer named Eric that I would help out in an instant. We’ve gotten together in person several times, and I lent him a book to help him study for his CPP exam (Hey, I need that back, by the way). He took the exam at my studio and received his certification earlier this year. I used to say I was the only CPP in Dover, Ohio and now I can’t say that anymore. That’s ok. We have mutual respect for each other. He also kicks my rear with his wedding skills, but I kick his rear in studio work, so we’re even. 😉 If Eric ever gets in a bind and needs a 2nd shooter or a piece of lighting equipment, he knows he can call me (I think he knows – hey, if you’re reading – you can call me!). If he hadn’t had the bad taste to invest in Canon cameras & lenses, I could help him out with that, too,  but alas, I am a Nikon girl. See? I do have it in me to be helpful and nice. 🙂

Time for a reality check, gang. Back up and get your social life in perspective.

So, to all the Forum Franks and Fannies out there…

• Do not ask for help from a stranger that you would not offer in return.
• Furthermore, do not ask for help from someone that you haven’t taken the time to develop a relationship with.
• Do not impose your life choices upon someone else. Only being available in your home an hour away during 2-4pm because that’s when the baby naps is unreasonable on so many levels.
• Do not assume a friendship that does not exist. This is the WWW, it is not real life.
• Say “please”, “thank you” and “I’m sorry” when appropriate.
• If you have been helped – offer help in return. To continually ask for help, but not offer it only works for you and no one else. This is called entitlement and taking advantage of someone else. Stop it now.
• Just because someone is handy geographically or has a skill you need help with does not mean it’s appropriate to try and avail yourself of their help, it’s actually quite insulting. Just imagine the reaction if I were to call up Gordon Ramsey and ask him for cooking help. Assuming he’s my neighbor. And then ask him if he minds popping over for a bit and running through that risotto recipe that he uses on “Hell’s Kitchen.” Yeah, it’s like that.

To all of you:

• Set boundaries. Learn to say “I’m sorry, I can’t do that.”
• Do not feel obligated to help someone else just because they are a photographer. If you do not have a pre-existing friendship with them, you do not “owe” them anything.
• When someone takes advantage of you, learn to say “I feel like you are taking advantage of me.”

Let’s all start thinking twice before we ask for help.