When your Passion for Photography is MIA

Yes, I’m purposely using the word “passion” in a serious manner.  Because this is a serious issue.

I look around me. My only non-related friends are other photographers. I stayed up late last night making plans for a Labor Day get together 10 hours away with… you guessed it, a bunch of photographers. Virtually every vacation I take revolves around photography conventions, workshops or just visiting with other photographers.

My days begin at 6 AM-ish. I check my email while I’m still in my pajamas and somewhere between that and clients showing up, I grab a shower and get dressed. In a studio shirt or a t-shirt I got from a photography convention.

If I’m not actively in the studio shooting, I’m working with my intern, retouching images, working on one of the three books I have in progress, writing a Wootness article, working with CPP candidates or putting together a slideshow for the next workshop I’m teaching.

If I leave the house, I drive a car with a photography logo on the back window and I carry a Kelly Moore camera bag that doubles as a purse. Which contains a stack of business cards.

When I socialize, I introduce myself as a photographer and in the back of my head I wonder how I can network with those present.

I rarely watch TV any more, there’s just no time, but when I do, I analyze the faces of actors and news anchors for lighting patterns.

I could go on, but I think you’re probably seeing the pattern here.

Somewhere, in the quest and scrabble to become the best photographer I could possibly be, between educating clients while trying to gain their business, and plumping up my resume with lists of achievements and photographic organizations I’m donating my time to…

I’ve lost the passion.

I’ve lost sight of who I am as a person.

I have let photography gain control of me and my life.

My priorities went to hell in a hand basket and instead of spending my Saturday afternoon weeding the flower beds, I’m brainstorming and designing my next studio special. Or writing a report for one of my volunteer positions. Or anything else that has nothing to do with the primary purpose for weekends. Or evenings. Or any time that isn’t my regular business hours.

When did photography go from being an enjoyable occupation to being an all-consuming life-sucking thief?

How did I let this happen?

Somewhere, I lost my focus. Pun not intended.

In my frantic quest at the age of 45 to make a career change and establish myself as a professional, I went overboard. And now, at almost-50, I find I’m backed against a wall, held hostage by a passion turned stalker.

Yes, I’ve worked hard. All of my friends in this same situation have worked hard. And I’m betting that you worked hard, as well, and some of the things I’m saying might be striking a chord with you, too.

We can blame this on the wave of newer photographers that have made us buckle down and climb higher. But, to be honest, I’m part of that wave, and my battle has been to emerge ahead of the crowd and stay there. But, I let it get out of control. In my desperation, I made sacrifices. Too many sacrifices.

In the beginning, I justified it because my children were grown and had lives of their own. I wasn’t shirking my duty as a mother. This was the time in my life that I’ve waited for – we’ve all said “when the kids are grown, I’m going to ______” – but realistically, I’ve never filled that blank in with “stress myself completely out by trying to single-handedly run a business 24 hours a day.” Nope, never said it. So why am I doing it? Why are YOU doing it?

I don’t know what the answer is, perhaps those smarter than I will comment on this with the solutions they found to be helpful.

I just know this has to stop. This has to end. There are far more interesting and satisfying things to do with my life than constantly stressing out about my business.

I should not work for photography, it should work for me. And it should work for you.

Starting today, I’m putting my foot down. I’m going to learn to say “no,” mean it and stick to it. I’m going to abide by my business hours and not accept appointments for photography I really don’t enjoy that much. One-on-one mentoring sessions will cease and other time-sucking, non-rewarding activities will be moth-balled.

Join me.

Put the laptop away. Close the office door. Hang out in the kitchen and make pizza. Call that old friend that you haven’t talked to in awhile. And don’t mention photography. At all.

Take this weekend and spend it with family. Reconnect.

Put down the damn camera and hug someone. With both arms.